Secrecy, Or Lack Thereof

So, I just joined wordpress after a long and quasi-healthy relationship with Xanga. My heart is very much tied to Xanga. I love everything about it – it was perfect for me. I didn’t always keep up with it so perfectly, but I still loved it. So what ruined it for me?

Friends, and a lack of secrecy. I started my Xanga years ago, when I was still middle school and living in a completely different state. One of my new friends found my blog without me ever having revealed it to anyone, and that forever ruined it. Xanga was my outlet, and my thoughts were no longer my own. So, even though I love Xanga and my heart it still there, I can’t stick with it like I used to. I could create a new account, but it would feel wierd to not keep posting on my old account. If I post on my Xanga, it should be on the same page that has been running for six years.

So, I won’t delete my old account, but I won’t be posting on it either. I’ll keep my old posts safe, because I wouldn’t want six years of my life to just dissapear up into the smoke. But I’m also going to start something new – a new account, for a new stage in my life. It’s time to let go of all that I’ve been carrying around with me for the past few years. Not to make it dissapear, but to let it go a little. Because sometimes I think it’s weighing me down so much that my legs will give out. I need a place to let my emotions out, without wondering if my words will cause rifts between friends. And I think a part of me needs to let go of those six years of posts, and all the sadness and happiness and craziness that is welled up in there. While it’s nice to read them, and see how I was back then, it’s not me anymore. I feel like a completely different person now, so maybe that stuff isn’t so important anymore.

So I will now use this place to whisper my secrets and order my thoughts, even thought it’s not my favorite. I don’t like how hard it is to customize the page, though the box used to post is quite nice. Xanga had my heart for six years, but I think it’s time to move on. I will let my past go, because none of that matters. This is me now.


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